We few

So I've been playing a lot of guitar lately.  Which is exciting for me because I usually always get distracted and force myself to quit well before I'm ready to.  However, these past couple of days I've managed to get my shit in order.  I came up with some pretty tasty licks these past 2 days. In fact, I made up 3 potential new songs today in like a 2 hourish time span.  So now I'm starting to think I'm close.  But once I'm there, I still would have to find a band.  And I haven't met any musicians let alone cool people.  

I have a feeling it's going to happen though.

KAJDFOJDFOI I'M EXCITED!

Digits

My mind is all over the place right now.  I'm having a hard time focusing in on any particular thing.

The scenery out here has been getting increasingly impressive.  It takes all of my concentration to keep focused on the road.  The scenery is fucking orgasmic.  The other day it was raining and all nasty and icky and not nice out and it was still gorgeous (award for using the word "and" the most in a single sentence).  The other day while trekking to Salinas with Vianca I couldn't help but point out all the awesome sights I was certain she was missing.  She glanced up from her texting, "Oh yeah that's really pretty", then continued her texting.  My mind was blown.  HOW ARE YOU NOT IN AWE?!?!  I don't get it. I really don't fucking get it.  DOES NO ONE ELSE REALIZE HOW INSIGNIFICANT YOUR BULLSHIT "PRIORITIES" ARE?!  Nature serves you up this delicious ass feast of optic magnificence and you are going to decline?  I often feel as if people like this just need to mature or learn/grow.  But I look at my uncles, their friends, and all kinds of old folks, and they don't understand either.  I'm probably overreacting to this whole situation.  But what if I'm not? If that were true the implications of it would be catastrophic for the psyche of us as a whole people, but still not surprising.

Anyway the past couple of trips up there with Vianca have been strenuous at best.  Although I will say my ego gets some nice padding when I talk to her. She is pretty much oblivious to the world around her and words consisting of 3 or more syllables so whenever I talk about anything of significance I have to constantly go back and simplify everything I said. To the point where I might as well have said nothing.  Oh man, so we were listening to some tasty tunes and we stumbled upon some of the most eloquent lyrics to be found.  She inquired as to what the lyrics said exactly and I repeated them along with the song.  "Oh... Wait, what does that even mean?"  Wait.  Wait.  Please wait.  Let me elaborate for you. Then, "Oh... I still don't get it." HAHAHAHA REALLY?! HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THESE LYRICS!??!  GOD DAMMIT YOU ARE DUMBER THAN FUCK.  It would be one thing if they were some really vague or abstract concepts being sung in the songs.  Lyrics that can be interpreted several different ways... I understand.  But not these.  Not this.  I kind of wanted to tell her we are no longer carpooling but... 20 DOLLARS FOR GAS!?!  OK DEAL!  I'M TOO BROKE TO TURN DOWN A BARGAIN!  

An example of the lyrics:

But If you'd rather be the window

I'd gladly be the frame

We'll block out any kind words

And let in all the blame

(Mewithoutyou - Torches Together)

I was tripping balls about my statistics class.  Mostly because I failed to pay attention and thought I was a lot further behind than what I was.  Turns out I actually know what I'm doing. So much so that I felt like a retard when the professor went over the curriculum.  Too simple. So that means I don't have to study for that class... at least for a while.  Which is good news for my guitar/do nothing time.

Philosophy class has been awesome.  We've been going over Plato's Dialogues and whatnot.  I was kind of worried the way my professor built up the "confusion" that takes place.  It actually isn't even that bad.  I've gotten pretty much everything so far.  I understood the importance of the contradictions, the purpose of the irony, etc.  I only missed one fairly mundane detail out of what we've covered thus far.  Which is awesome because generally in English I always interpret something different than what the text really was meant to convey.  So during the exegesis I felt at least partly triumphant.  

The other day I went to Salinas with my cousins to buy a calculator.  One hundred dollars later I hated a lot of things.  I spent 100 dollars on a fucking calculator.  Instead of spending that money on shows and my youth.  What the fuck is wrong with us.  Who came up with this fucking system.  I've never understood it.  And I swear I never will.  We work incessantly for the first 20 or so years of our life.  For what?  So when we are old and decrepit we can appreciate the fruits of our labor?  When it's too late?  I hate to feel like I'm in any way contributing or perpetuating this shit train.  I'd really like to show it a detour off an abyss of some sort.  Fuck it.

So a few days back I went to Carl's Jr. (fast food place).  I don't normally partake in fast food adventures but I was starving and I had nothing to eat at the hizzy.  I ordered my 2 spicy chicken sandwiches and waited for a little bit when I noticed a warning sign.  It said something along the lines of "WARNING: This shit that we call food has known carcinogens.  Just so you know."  FUCKING REALLY?  I wonder how many dicks the fellows on top of Carl's Jr. had to suck to get that shitstuffing out to the public.  The FDA loves a good BJ.  So much so that they'd knowingly allow these death patties to be sold to the public all in the name of commerce.  I guess after Monsanto they pretty much gave up on the whole Administration part.  I wonder how much more corruption we can fit into one government.  Reprint "The Jungle".  The message has been lost somewhere.  Oh and I still ate those sandwiches.  LOL.

So after listening to a lot of Minus The Bear in the car I felt it time for a change.  I was almost to campus when I needed a change.  FUCKING UNEARTH SON.  I'VE MISSED YOU METAL. Listening to them always brings back good memories of jamming way too hard in my car with my best friends while trying to drive.  THE ONCOMING STORM is probably one of the greatest things to happen in the past decade.  That album is definitely one of the best metal albums of all time... actually flat out one of the best albums ever, period.  I got chills from the exuberance emitted from my shitty sound system.  If I could have sex with an album itself it would definitely be this one.  Actually... I wouldn't.  Having intercourse with something that metal would probably give me Tetnis of the genitalia.  And over the years I've become quite fond of mine.

I know I'm fucking missing something.  

the escapist

Another Valentine's Day with no real valentine.  I'm on a fucking roll with this.  In a couple of years I think I'll have the high score.  It's a good thing that I find this holiday and so many others to be shit.  You're really only going to show your love ONE DAY a year?  If you're in love, that shit should be shown all the time.  Not in an overbearing way of course.  But enough.  I can't imagine it getting old if you are really in love.  But then again I don't know what that is, so maybe I'm just too naive to know the truth.  

occur

And your fire
Sets our night ablaze
Sears the distance 
And burns the walls
Forgetting what those words are for

And while these flames rage and smolder
And brands myself to them
The heat in its fervor
Softens my core
And I forget what these words are for

And when we’ve said enough
We just listen

Sleeping Sleepers Sleep

My uncle and his friend Eric were totally trashed tonight.  And by my trashed I mean drunk of course.  And since I have nothing better to do on my Friday nights anymore I sat and watched them be retarded.  It's always the same thing though.  Tempers get short.  Increased usage of profanity.  And then the swapping of stories.  Oh and by stories I mean the same 3 that they happen to share.  They always come back to when they were kids or when they were drunk together.  Nothing from the time between about 28-40.  Nothing.  

So tonight as usual when they include me in the conversations it always has to do with my parents.  It's rather your Dad is a total piece of shit.  Or it's your Mom was awesome.  And nothing out of the ordinary happened.  

Eric:  If you want a job you have to talk to your Dad

Me:  That's the dumbest stipulation for a job I've ever heard

Eric:  Oh yeah?

Me:  Yes.

Carlos:  His father doesn't exist.  Brian wouldn't disagree with me.  Would you?

Me:  Not really

Eric:  Well he's still your Dad.

Carlos:  His Dad is a piece of shit.  That's why he lives here.

Basically they talked shit about my Dad for about half an hour or so.  I've heard it all before so it's whatev.  I could not care less about my father.  So if they want to talk shit to make themselves feel better who am I to stop them.  But then..

Eric:  You need to take him down to San Ardo.  You remember when we used to have those dances at the school?

Carlos:  Yeah

Eric:  I remember one time when I first moved here I was dancing with your Mom (referring to my mother).  We were like in 7th grade or something.  Well my hand slipped down her dress and she got pissed.  She said, "What kind of girl do you think I am?!"  Then she punched me in the face.

Eric:  She was something else.  Actually, now that I think about it you're a lot like her Brian.

Brian:  Oh yeah?

Eric:  Yeah.  Hated rules and was totally independent.  Loved music.  And she didn't take shit from anyone.

Carlos:  She was a beautiful person.  But she had a short ass temper.  NO ONE fucked with her. I mean NO ONE.  

I always feel weird when they talk to me about my Mom.  Especially, since they say the same shit every time and I have to act like it's something new or else they usually trip balls.  But sometimes it's cool.  Hearing how great she was and how much I am like her.  It's good to hear. And at the same time really depressing.  If she was still around, we would have been close.  We could have been best friends and whatnot.  So that part really sucks. 

Fuck I wish I got to know her.

Mean Low Water

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  I have severed just about every tie with the people I care about.  Fuck it.

So I started my new semester and it's pretty ok I guess.  I have English, Philosophy, Statistics, and this Guitar/Music Theory course.  

My English teacher is a lady from India who happens to be terrible at speaking it.  True story. She's making us do group work and shit.  And she always stares at me.  ALWAYS.  We had to tell the class about our goals and what we wanted to major in and whatnot.  When it was my turn she made it fucking hell.  She prolonged the fuck out of my shit.

India:  "Oh really?  That's fascinating.  Are you a trained musician?

Me:  "Uh... Not really."

India:  "Why do you want to be a musician?"

It was at this point that I tried to kill the conversation.  I knew if I kept answering we would be at this for a while.  And I really don't feel comfortable telling a bunch of people shit about myself (unless you count this site).  So I lied and killed the conversation right there.  I don't remember what exactly I said but I came across as a total dickhead.  So that's awesome.  

My Philosophy class is pretty cool.  My teacher is kind of an idiot about everything not pertaining to philosophy.  But he's a pretty happening dude so it's cool.  Also, there are some seemingly cool kids in there that one day I may eventually talk to.

Statistics is lame.  Every Tuesday morning I have to be at the Salinas campus by 7 AM.  Which means I have to leave at 6 AM at the latest.  Which is in every way completely gay.  Also, me and Vianca share that class.  So now we are carpooling there.  Hooray.  It's not all bad though. 

The other day we went up there together and we actually had a good time.  I picked her up and during the ride she was actually fairly interesting to talk to.  After class was done we got some free ass breakfast at Denny's.  While there she was once again interesting.  It's like where the fuck has this been the whole time?  After that we went to Target and looked at a bunch of stupid shit, tried on ridiculous glasses, shoes, and hats, and played with some gay ass toys. Following that we hit up Best Buy and Toys R' Us.  Finally, the best part of the experience. During the ride home, I put on some tasty ass jams and she actually rocked out with me.  I have to admit that made me hate her a lot less.  Not only that, the whole time we were hanging out she actually paid attention to what I was saying and caught on to my humor.  Wild.  We are supposedly going to hang out again this weekend so we'll see how that goes.

My guitar class is actually pretty lame.  I was super stoked about it but it's mostly a let down so far.  There are way too many people in the class.  And from what I've seen I'm the only one who isn't total suck at guitar.  However, it was pointed out that the way I held my guitar was improper.  Which doesn't make any sense because the basic rule about everything on guitar is ignore all the rules and play what's comfortable.  But whatev.  Also, I don't finger pick and my teacher insists on finger picking.  So I tried to show him my finger picking and it sucked.  So I have to work on that.  Oh my teacher has fucking hair growing out of his nose.  Not like regular nose hair.  But on the outside.  Like he should shave his fucking nose.  God dammit that shit is awesome.

The other day while there I tried to help this girl tune her guitar.  As I proceeded to tune her guitar like 10 dudes all turned and stared at me.  Straight up gawking.  "Wow, you are really good.  Can you help tune mine?  I'm really trying to annoy you while you try to tune that."  As well as some other shit I wasn't really paying enough attention to, to remember.  I know I sound like a dick here, but fuck man, I'm trying to match the harmonics of the strings and these hoes won't STFU!!!!!!!!!

Also, I've been getting stared at a lot lately.  I am unsure about the reason behind this.  I'm actually pretty certain it's the hair.  But I can't tell for sure.  I have only seen one other dude with hair as long as mine.  And his hair was down to his hips and nappy as fuck.  The style here is the "fade". Or any other mostly shaven cut.  So I'm pretty sure my shoulder length hair is not stylish.  

I'm about to read some Plato for Philosophy class.  

I think this semester is going to be a lot better than the last.

Unlimited Distance

So I was planning on writing a thing about my prior experience at this party and on my trip to Alabama as a whole.  But instead I've decided to write a somewhat brief summary.

Flew to Alabama to visit my friends and to see my little step sister.  I get there and only one person is at the airport.  At least 5 said they would go.  

Wasted a lot of time because apparently my "friends" had better shit to do than see/hang out with me.

Had an ex try to fuck me over again and was prepared to let her until she slipped up.  But got a free dinner out of it so it's cool.

Me and my friend drove 12 hours to Savannah, GA. and back to visit our mutual best friend Matt. We watched his band played and they sucked.  While watching this weird semi goth chick found it necessary to hug me constantly and find me on Myspace later that night.

I became comfortable with the thought of losing my friends.

I nearly cried when Sean moved though.  We were sharing my bed for like a week.  And that night I could not sleep at all.  Wow that sounds super gay.

My last night in town and no one really wanted to hang out.  End up having a gathering at a friends house in which no one really acknowledged my existence so much as indulged themselves in alcohol and marijuana and eventually maybe regret.  I can't even tell you how pissed I was.  

Me: Yeah, it's my last night in town so I just kind of want all my friends together for one last night.

Friends:  That sucks man

Anthony:  Nick you still want to get drunk tonight?

Nick: fuck yeah

Friends (in unison): hell yeah

Anthony:  Well we can go over to my house and drink... Oh but Kate is being a bitch so I don't know

Russell:  Why don't we just go drink at Brian's house until Kate gets off then we go to her house

Me:  Wait what?

Anthony:  You mind if we come over to your house for a little bit and drink until Kate gets off then we can leave?

Me:  (shrugs)

Anthony: thanks man we won't be at your house long.

So yeah that totally happened in front of my face.  I wanted to hang out with them.  And they totally forgot about me.  This is the reason why I'll never drink.  I never want to be so consumed by some chemical as to be my sole motivation for a "good time".  Could not wait one fucking night.  I wouldn't have really cared if they drank if they just would be my friends while doing so.  

So Kate comes over to my house and is like Brian you should come by too.  I'll cook you some dinner and we can hang out.  She was the only who offered to hang out or even seemed interested in doing so.  But when we all get to her house it pretty much consists of John being a total douche as usual and everyone else drinking and smoking and being completely miserable. I was starting to get physically sick.  I almost puked twice.  First time that my mental status had really directly negatively impacted my physical well being.  I pretty much sat silently at the table listening to my ipod watching my friends deteriorate.  Any contributions I made to a conversation were quickly forgotten.  So I gave up on that.  I gave up on a lot of things then.

Oh man I almost forgot.  At that shitty band show there were these 3 16 year old girls.  And well, they pretty much made me hate everything about everything but at the same time made me laugh.  As one picked up a cigarette the others quickly followed suit.  You had to see this shit.  It was like a fucking train.  One took a sip of beer, they all did.  Every-time, it was always in unison.  Like something out of a movie.  God I really hate a lot of shit right now.