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I'm irate. I really fucking hate everything right now. I had a drunk Mexican back up into my uncle's car which I was driving at the time. He had no insurance and was a total douche. Result? Me searching for the 1,500 dollars it takes to fix the car. Further progressing, I'M FUCKING TIRED OF WRITING PAPERS. FUCK YOU COLLEGE. EVERY FUCKING DAY I GO TO CLASS I HAVE A NEW PAPER DUE. Seriously is there no other way? Is this the only way you can assess our individual growth in any given class by our ability to regurgitate the work you force on us? Fucking shit. I hate the idea of me selling my thoughts and abilities to a teacher for a grade. And then having it assessed by people who are completely useless but somehow have omnipotent and overall consenting critique on my work. As I write this I'm writing a paper for my English class. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have such an urge towards violence right now. I never get mad and as a result I have fits of consuming rage which I'm experiencing right now. Fuck you papers. Let me play the role of student and write this paper nice for you. AHHH it's all so fucking meaningless. This is not the way we were meant to progress.

My uncle won't get off my balls on this job bullshit. No place is going to hire me get over it I already am. NO don't get the idea of me being negative. Or the idea I'm giving up and need to stay positive. Don't even bother with that shit. I live in a shithole town with no where to work. I do not fit in anywhere whatsoever and potential employers have very candidly expressed their opposition to me.

He says: You know you got to get up early tomorrow.

Me: Why?

Uncle: What do you mean why?

Me: WHY?

Uncle You forgot already?

Me: Fucking christ what is it?

Uncle: Your job shit. You missed out on talking to the manager because you went in the afternoon.

Me: That's retarded. What if he had his meeting in the morning? You would be saying the same thing in reverse.

Uncle: Well you know you are going to have to learn to get up early.

WHY? WHY the fuck do I have to learn that? If I one day decide that's how I want to live. Fine. Until then I have no intentions of changing to the "normal" sleeping pattern. I go to bed at 5 A.M. and wake up when I need to. Fuck this monotonous routine shit or this "natural" sleep cycle bullshit. I am whatever the fuck I want to be and I'll live accordingly. You will never force your shit on me. I will never work a 9-5. I'm not going to be miserable like every other adult I know. I am never going to be a slave to this capitalist timocracy that America has created. None of this shit is for me. I'm not adapting to this world. It's adapting to me.

I have a serious problem with the amount of effort it takes to get anywhere. Was it meant to be this hard? Could we all just fucking relax and live? Is that at all possible? FUCK I have to be a slave to something I care nothing about but was deemed necessary by my predecessors. Now all their ideas have become dogmas, and this is the same branch that all the great religions sprouted from. Oh no YOU HAVE to do this. You NEED TO WORK to learn the importance of money. REALLY? DO I REALLY HAVE TO WORK TO KNOW THAT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? I feel like I'm the only person not suckered into this bullshit web. You HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE. WHY? Why can't I meet a professor of a craft and study under him in person in an apprenticeship of sorts? Why can't I go and learn for myself? Why can't I experiment and live by my own means. Oh that's right. There are rules and guidelines which all have to do with fucking money. There is no progress. We aren't meant to progress. We are trained to consume. Higher education teaches us how to do that more diligently and with a means for more. OH hey the most lively and important 25 years of your life just passed so you can do something meaningful. Was this process natural or man made? Do we really have to sell our youth to advance? Granted there are exceptions but there look at that paradox. The young who do great are an exception. How is that when youth is among the greatest gifts we are ever able to receive? Does it take that long to learn? Or have we learned to take that long?

Fuck you world. You aren't forcing your shit on me.