Ode we will bury ourselves

So yesterday was Christmas and my Mother's birthday.  I've always hated christmas.  WTF is with people paying money to put useless shit on their houses and under their trees?  Another thing WTF is with trees?  Honestly I find "holiday cheer" obnoxious.  How are you going to be a total douche nozzle everyday and then around Christmas decide to be kind?  Actually I've realized it's more of an obligation to purchase shit for people rather than it being out of genuine generosity.  So scratch that kind statement.  It's been ingrained into our minds to think and behave like this.  Makes me wonder how much shit is still being thought and played out for me.  How many choices are really mine?  Anyway I was the only one to go visit my Mother.  I know the weather was shitty but it was her birthday.  I almost wept.  I miss her.  And it seems like everyone else has moved on.  I won't.  I swear it.

That night my uncle was drunk.  SURPRISE!  He decided it would be a good idea to barge into my room and sit uncomfortably close to me.  So after about 5 minutes or so of extreme awkwardness he finally spoke.  

Uncle:  Did you talk to your brother and sister today?

Me:  Yes.

Uncle:  Did you call them or they call you?

Me:  They called me.

Uncle:  You are shit.  Seriously, you are shit.  Why couldn't you call them?

Me:  I was busy being shit.

And this eventually branched into a one sided discussion of why I'm fucked up and whatnot.  It's hard listening to "advice" from your 40 year old uncle who still lives with his parents and gets drunk every single night because he is lonely.  He reminded me that he is paying for my college.  But I didn't remind him that he only payed for 2 books.  I didn't remind him of his original offer.  Or that we should be living somewhere else entirely.  

I wanted to be angry at him but I couldn't.  I wanted to remind him that he didn't visit his sister on her birthday but I didn't.  I wanted to say everything.  FUCKNUTS.  I choose to save my breathe.  My heart and lungs work hard enough as it is.    

3 Days until I fly out to Alabama for some time.  I'm so fucking excited.  AGHHGHGHGHGHGGHGH