Alvarez

My good friend called me a few nights back crying. Kate was troubled that a boy she liked moved away and she didn't realize the extent of her feelings until he left and was really upset. Afterwards her first instinct was to call me. It felt awesome to be there for her and to know that I actually was as close to her as she had said I was.

Went to register for my classes today. Talked to a new counselor. I was wearing my Copeland shirt. And we talked about the composer for like 10 minutes and when I left she told me she liked my shirt and it made my day.

My cynicism is rising.

"Understand that the Moon loves the Sun. There was supposed to be dark but the Moon continues the Sun's reach. It isn't until the clouds shun the light that the dark seems to creep. And these things in the heavens can teach us much about ourselves. The innate goodness of the cosmos is always stretching but there are always places of shade. Some men sit under great oaks, others wear sunscreen, most just stay inside. Those that stand naked in her great light unabashed by themselves will find that evil men can make great clouds."

Signature

I was in Alabama for about 3 weeks. It was a bit better than the last time I was there but it's still pretty shitty. I spent the entire time hanging with my best friend Sanders because he's actually a cool dude and also his mom is super fine and loves me. I also hung with my good friend Kate a lot more than I had anticipated I would. It turns out she actually missed me and being able to hang with her was pretty nice.

While I was there I wanted to confront an old ex and try to make amends. When I saw her I helped her cook dinner for her parents who actually still love me.

This is literally what happened.

Mariana: Oh shit my mom is here.

Brian: Is she going to be mad that I'm here?

Mariana: She still loves you.

Brian: haha what? that's so weird.

Mariana: Hey Mom your favorite person is here.

Mom: BRIAN!?! Oh it is you Brian!! OHHH how have you been?

Yeah then she gave me an invitation to come over any time I wanted. Which is kind of a weird thing to give your daughters ex-boyfriend. Anyway after that whole dinner bit her parents went to bed and we ended up having sex. Which was really just a consummation between two lonely people. It didn't mean anything really. But I still felt regret for it because my intentions were much more pure than that. After that it was weird between us again and then she confessed her continued love for me. So naturally I felt like suck for doing it with her and I guess leading her on again. Ultimately, I came there to make amends and it ended up being worse. Although, I did learn an important bit about myself; I don't really need company nor do I really even want it, it's just something that would be nice sometimes. And by company I really mean a girl. I'm at a point now where I feel like I wouldn't ever need a partner.

The other high point of my trip was seeing my step sister. I knew how much she missed me so I made a strong effort to spend a lot of time with her. She has serious emotional control issues where she will just get really upset about the slightest shit or overreact to a bug in the house and it sabotages her whole attitude. She needs someone like me around to help keep her on check so it's cool to be there for her. Also, she is really cool when she wants to be or better yet when she isn't afraid to be. I'm trying to get her over her self-esteem issues and teach her about things like psychology, and philosophy. This of course at the risk of turning her into a cynic as well.

Finally, I'm back in California and my real brother is here. He's pretty annoying but it turns out his dad has been talking to him about all kinds of philosophical shit and he's substantially less retarded. Which is AWESOME. I still have much to teach him in this short period of time but I think he's going to turn into a good kid.

For when the ground shakes and when we move

The whole world stands still to watch our show

And when our lines meet and when we blur

The Earth shrugs at the moon.