Such Small Hands

I have a tremendous amount of work and obligation building up right now. So instead of working on them right now I'm writing this. Essentially I just find ways to procrastinate even though I have every intention of doing otherwise.

I guess I technically have a girlfriend. However, it's only really in title because she was tripping balls about a title. I couldn't honestly get myself to care either way so I just kind of said, "fine." Anyway, she is stressing out about her cat that is being watched by her mother. She was going to pay a friend money to watch her cat there in Alaska so she could come and see him. As well as other retarded shit like this. And you know I kind of lucked out because she texted me this information instead of calling. Because its a lot harder to feign interest over the phone than texting a :( and have that all encompassing. She wants to ask me about her career and her future plans and if I think they are a good idea. I kind of want to just say, "Bitch, IDK" but instead I just told her the truth which was, "you probably shouldn't ask me." I have this scale of career paths and there are a number of routes that to me are essentially worthless. For in the natural state of things, is there really a need for: police, interior designers, fashion designers, politicians, etc. All of these things are a result of socially constructed bullshit. So in my mind if you were going to devote your life to one of these things, it would essentially become irrelevant if it wasn't already.

I really don't even know if I like her. I did before and sometimes do in fickle spurts but it seems like I can't stand her more and more. However, she has spent a lot of money already to come and visit. and so I'm kind of in a bind. Why the fuck does she have to like me? I honestly feel like she thinks she loves me... and I can't stand her. What is wrong with me? Part of it is definitely my fault but she's so dumb and her grammar is terrible, she couldn't spell her way out of a box, and she has this awful sense of humor. AND HER MANNERISMS, god dammit her mannerisms... she has none of her own; it's more of a series of stolen shit and then this is the best part... she copies mine! It's kind of alright if used almost never but not every time we fucking talk. God dammit copying me is not clever. WHY CAN'T YOU BE CLEVER?!

I think I'm moving to Mobile, Alabama after this semester and hopefully I will end up rooming with my good friend Kate. The original plan was with Sean but he kind of just decided to be lame and I'm not really down with that. If only Sanders would come to Mobile! Sanders I'm telling you to move to Mobile. So when you read this you should then decide that you want to go to Mobile too!

We are having speeches in communications class. So far, we've had speeches on: stereotypes (which was essentially a list of stereotypes and why it hurt her feelings), Myley Cyrus (literally about myley cyrus), the dream act (the girl just cried), and some other shit.

Our speech requirements were to make an INFORMATIVE speech that was SOCIALLY SIGNIFICANT, and to establish why we should all care about that topic. It should be COMPELLING, INTERESTING, and ORIGINAL. So taking those topics in within the context of the guidelines of the speech you can see that the people in communication class are fucking retarded. And yet the feedback from the class was usually, "wow what a great speech." I'm literally trying my best to listen but all I can hear is myself telling myself, "This can't possibly be the worst thing I've ever had to listen through." but then it kind of was.

OH SHIT and this black guy, the only black guy, was talking about hip hop. Which he kind of just said lil wayne sucks (props for that), talked about people getting killed, and then played some song. To convey these 3 items of information took him 32 minutes. The time limit is 5-7 minutes.

I'm hoping that they are lying and really hate those speeches too. Because if they sincerely think those "speeches" were good then I'm pretty sure they pretty much gave up on life in the third grade or something.

I'm a cynic.

My biology teacher came up to me at the beginning of class and was excited about giving me back my test. He said, "Brian! You screwed up the curve! Great job studying really, you got the best grade in the class!" He said it so everyone in class could definitely hear. It's kind of crazy to have my teacher more excited about my grades then I was/am. My teacher is cool as shit though, so I didn't want to tell him that I didn't really study. We usually have talks about things like pheromones, ideas of how the poles on Earth shift, the LHC, genetic mutations, etc. He never calls on me in class anymore because I think he tries to make it seem like I'm not his favorite... but I'm definitely his favorite.

They find ways to replace you every night. You swear your hearts align but the maps are in a blur. Congruency among the lines of joined bodies convince that your truth is alive. Oh how do you explain those lines!

Prahanian

I called Tasha tonight. It went surprisingly well. We probably won't talk again unless something drastic happens or until my next birthday. But it still was nice. I think the fact that we were kind of bored of each other and taking this long of a hiatus from talking made all of our usual mannerisms and such enjoyable to each other again.

There is something that I am missing. I observe all kinds of classes and all kinds of social events and things but I never encounter or witness anything like what I do on a daily basis. It's completely bizarre. Everyone avoids me in my classes unless they can't help it. And when they do get grouped up with me they are rather really interested in what I say or they have already decided they hate me. For instance, my speech class has a full classroom minus 4 empty seats. Those four empty seats just happen to be all the seats around me. In my Child Development class, there are tables of 3. All of the tables are filled except for mine. Instead of anyone sitting next to me they would rather sit in the awkward chair to the side in the front that is not in a position to see anything. There was 1 empty seat in my Astronomy class and it was the seat next to mine. Is there something I'm not getting? I sometimes smell myself just to make sure I'm not rancid or something. As it turns out I always smell delicious. And I know I'm not the greatest looking guy but when people would rather sit next the 500 lb. guy that smells like body odor and milk... I can't but feel like something is wrong.

That girl is going to be visiting at the end of November. I actually think like it's going to be an enjoyable time.

My uncle and I are at odds. Apparently getting a job here is as easy as putting in a few applications. This town with one fucking stoplight that is predominately hispanic with 6 businesses is just itching to hire people. Especially a very poor spanish speaker that everyone seems to have an aversion to.

I have the first 2 pages of my new book completed! I'm sending it to my best comrade Sanders for review. And I actually respect his opinion on literature and really on all things artistic and/or creative. So I'm kind of anxious to see how his response will be.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!