get me naked

So this trip is turning out to be everything I hoped. I needed to make sure that all the people here were shit and that has been successfully verified. With the exception of a couple people.

I was put into an awkward ass predicament a few days ago. I had received a compliment, thus making me obliged to reciprocate the adulation. I thought I did a decent job of it, but to my surprise I came off as some kind of dick-monger. Only I can give seemingly pleasant sentiments towards another and manage to come across as an asshole. Am I so fucking inept, socially, that I can ruin any positive moment with no aid of any kind but by my presence alone? Unfortunately.

Complacency won't stop it's cajolery and now I'm starting to listen. I really feel like giving up. I'm just going to say fuck people altogether, get my guitar, hopefully become good, and go from there. My friend told me I was good, nearly professional, at guitaring. And I'm pretty certain that he was being genuine. So now I must decide whether my friend is retarded or if I'm really that oblivious to my own "talent".

It's strange for me to hear all this acclamation. It's all coming at me at once. Did I really change that much in such a short period of time? Or is everyone finally deciding to acknowledge some of my fairer attributes? Or are they just being nice because of the extended hiatus I took from them?

I miss the days of where I would just play FF8 all day and lay in bed thinking all night about anything I could manage to gather enough thoughts on. I always have a set focus on my thoughts now. I'd like to just be able to think again.

I was with a girl I used to date a few years ago. I thought we had a pretty good time. Went to the pet shop, then to the park, and finally ended up at her place. She tried to put some moves on me which really surprised me. I wanted to resist her. I swear I did. She always ends up fucking up my mind. But fuck I'm lonely. And I gave in. I thought I would at least be happy for the time being. Complete opposite. I was totally indifferent to my situation while she was almost fully enthralled. From there my rationale changed. I thought we would hang out more and that I could possibly get as excited to be with her as she was with me. LOL. Well... shit sucks. I started to think about her incessantly and I was certain she was sharing the same mental onslaught on her cognition. Wrong. I haven't heard from her since and word on the street is that she doesn't want to see me again. I have no idea either. Fuck it.

It's getting harder and harder for me to make these things into coherent stories.

Oh and

So safe in monotony.
Can't help but feel betrayed.
Punch the clock every single day.
There is no loyalty and no remorse.
Youth sold for a pension check.
And it makes you fucking sick.

My advice die young and save yourself.