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I'm irate. I really fucking hate everything right now. I had a drunk Mexican back up into my uncle's car which I was driving at the time. He had no insurance and was a total douche. Result? Me searching for the 1,500 dollars it takes to fix the car. Further progressing, I'M FUCKING TIRED OF WRITING PAPERS. FUCK YOU COLLEGE. EVERY FUCKING DAY I GO TO CLASS I HAVE A NEW PAPER DUE. Seriously is there no other way? Is this the only way you can assess our individual growth in any given class by our ability to regurgitate the work you force on us? Fucking shit. I hate the idea of me selling my thoughts and abilities to a teacher for a grade. And then having it assessed by people who are completely useless but somehow have omnipotent and overall consenting critique on my work. As I write this I'm writing a paper for my English class. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have such an urge towards violence right now. I never get mad and as a result I have fits of consuming rage which I'm experiencing right now. Fuck you papers. Let me play the role of student and write this paper nice for you. AHHH it's all so fucking meaningless. This is not the way we were meant to progress.

My uncle won't get off my balls on this job bullshit. No place is going to hire me get over it I already am. NO don't get the idea of me being negative. Or the idea I'm giving up and need to stay positive. Don't even bother with that shit. I live in a shithole town with no where to work. I do not fit in anywhere whatsoever and potential employers have very candidly expressed their opposition to me.

He says: You know you got to get up early tomorrow.

Me: Why?

Uncle: What do you mean why?

Me: WHY?

Uncle You forgot already?

Me: Fucking christ what is it?

Uncle: Your job shit. You missed out on talking to the manager because you went in the afternoon.

Me: That's retarded. What if he had his meeting in the morning? You would be saying the same thing in reverse.

Uncle: Well you know you are going to have to learn to get up early.

WHY? WHY the fuck do I have to learn that? If I one day decide that's how I want to live. Fine. Until then I have no intentions of changing to the "normal" sleeping pattern. I go to bed at 5 A.M. and wake up when I need to. Fuck this monotonous routine shit or this "natural" sleep cycle bullshit. I am whatever the fuck I want to be and I'll live accordingly. You will never force your shit on me. I will never work a 9-5. I'm not going to be miserable like every other adult I know. I am never going to be a slave to this capitalist timocracy that America has created. None of this shit is for me. I'm not adapting to this world. It's adapting to me.

I have a serious problem with the amount of effort it takes to get anywhere. Was it meant to be this hard? Could we all just fucking relax and live? Is that at all possible? FUCK I have to be a slave to something I care nothing about but was deemed necessary by my predecessors. Now all their ideas have become dogmas, and this is the same branch that all the great religions sprouted from. Oh no YOU HAVE to do this. You NEED TO WORK to learn the importance of money. REALLY? DO I REALLY HAVE TO WORK TO KNOW THAT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? I feel like I'm the only person not suckered into this bullshit web. You HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE. WHY? Why can't I meet a professor of a craft and study under him in person in an apprenticeship of sorts? Why can't I go and learn for myself? Why can't I experiment and live by my own means. Oh that's right. There are rules and guidelines which all have to do with fucking money. There is no progress. We aren't meant to progress. We are trained to consume. Higher education teaches us how to do that more diligently and with a means for more. OH hey the most lively and important 25 years of your life just passed so you can do something meaningful. Was this process natural or man made? Do we really have to sell our youth to advance? Granted there are exceptions but there look at that paradox. The young who do great are an exception. How is that when youth is among the greatest gifts we are ever able to receive? Does it take that long to learn? Or have we learned to take that long?

Fuck you world. You aren't forcing your shit on me.

One Day, I'll Be On Time.

I hate to admit it but I'm pretty lonely. Something is sapping me of all my motivation and I'm unsure on how to continue at this point.

So I'm in my history class and we have a test about U.S geography. Nothing difficult just be able to identify and label all 50 states on a map. Everyone around me resorted to cheating. Fucking embarrassing. If I didn't know the 50 states and couldn't identify them I would be too ashamed to cheat even if I condoned it. And when shit like this happens it's not a mystery why I can't take school seriously. These people are going to end up getting an equivalent grade while maintaining their current level of uselessness. However, in any scenario, given a map of the U.S in a college course seems a bit remedial. A bit less after this shit but still.

Reading the shit I post makes me seem like I'm this elitist, intellectual, douche nozzle which could not be farther from the case. Well the elitist maybe, but not in reference to myself. The intellectual definitely not. I just see this great mass of retarded ass kids surrounding me with their stupid contentedness. "Hey I really don't know anything about anything. Isn't that funny? Yeah I know I'm hilarious." I just have this loathing for people with an inadequate understanding about things they should know about and think they are cool/better off for it. Douche nozzle? Ok, I concede that one.

I don't know. I'll probably just crank up the isolation along with the gain on my amp. Play my guitar while I'm indifferent to the world and hopefully one day not suck so much ass at it.

Fuck my life is lame.

But I'm working on it?

Another fallen eve.

Truly, honesty is not conducive to your well being. But these amenities will do the trick. See the improvement? There is no need to change, only acquire. Gaining more, becomes fulfillment. You see, there are too many distractions. We blur the lines for you. No effort on your part is required... just subordination. If you think about it, your consciousness is only a form of deprivation. We can program you better. We can make you better. We fill the gap left by your inadequacies. Would you like us to complete what you can't finish? Or is rejection your circuitry?

It's Complicated Being a Wizard

It has been way too long since my last post and I've got a lot of updates and some other possibly semi interesting things.

I need to see a neurologist cause my brain's all fucked up, and they also think my eyes are F-d. However, my insurance is like LOL, not going to happen. But I'm telling those hoes what's what and I think soon I'll be able to get this shit straightened out. On the positive side, if this stuff is as bad as they think I'll be getting a nice check of some ballin ass amount of money. 

I started school again and I think I made some friends??? I KNOW! Probably not though.  

I'm pretty sure I have a crush on my History professor so that's wild. 

I wrote a paper for my English class and the student who had to read it was like:

"Did you mean stop light here?"

"What? Stop Light? OH... no"

"I have never seen this word 'plight' before."

So everyone was like WTF PLIGHT?! And thus began a game of pass Brian's paper of personal introspection to complete strangers. They all seemed to like it and the teacher took a personal interest in my paper and made me stay after class so he could read my newest draft. He was impressed by it so I guess that's pretty neat.

This girl I know is like a boulder with a fucking jet-pack. But I'm pretty sure when she says she loves me she means it. Which honestly makes me kind of happy to be on the receiving end of, even though the feeling isn't mutual. I don't know what I'm going to do in this debacle. Oh and there are these two other girls who pretty much want my balls. One blatantly says, "I need to make you my sex slave so you can't run from me." I can't even tell you how much this arouses me. -_-. It sucks, the only time I have news to report on the opposite sex it's about the same fucking thing every time. I seriously challenge anyone who thinks they can attract crazier bitches to some form of crazy bitch catching competition. You know, when I read this, it totally makes me want to start this contest. SO CHALLENGE ME!! 

If there happens to be any internet lurkers reading this I want you to know that most of everything I say is supposed to be a joke. Not necessarily to make you laugh but I like to keep the mood light. If it seems like I'm being serious I'm probably not. I really can't take anything seriously. Unless throughout the post you sense a serious tone, then the purpose of that post was probably, to be entertaining while accurately reciting shit that happened. 

The reason I bring this up is because it has become painfully apparent that no one gets my humour :(. 

Airport Popeye's is the

shit. So I'm in Alabama as I write this and shit fucking sucks. I was expecting a lot more. I guess I always expect too much.

It's 3 in the AM so I'm not going to go into crazy detail about too much right now. But I have been having some mad wild ideas and such.

Flying to Virginia was a fucking experience. My flight left at 11 PM and arrived at like 5 AM in ATL so my idea was to try to crash on the plane on the way. And to this idea God kind of LOLd. I got stuck next to the largest man I've ever seen on a plane. Seriously, a substantial portion of his mass was in my seat. It was like something you would see in a movie when everything goes terribly shitty for the protagonist. I mean other than his profuse perspiration and occupation of half my seat it wasn't all bad. He was a pretty cool dude. Like a hipster black guy who (with my assistance) talked awesome shit about everyone on the plane. Especially this ghetto ass flight attendant who had all the makings of a 'stache. She was the most ballin' flight attendant ever. Which means that she said no to most everyone's requests with the utmost sass. SICK. I got to ATL and I hit up the Popeye's and I had the most glorious chicken biscuit. While there this crazy black guy was asking about a party the prior night that I supposedly attended with a man with green suede shoes. I basically said yes to everything he said and that man tripped the proverbial scrotum. Later that morning I went to Busch Gardens in Virginia with my good friend Sean and his friend Matt. The most important part of that adventure is talking about how authentic the German section was and how microwavable pizzas were better than the shit stuffing they were selling us.

A week later Me and Sean drove to Alabama from Virginia. Then the following day drove to ATL and back again. I made several little video things on the trip to satisfy our insatiable boredom that the road brings. I'm considering putting one up on here for you crazy kids to enjoy. I mean it's not that exciting. And by not that exciting I mean it's roughly better than that Dragonball Evolution movie but still pretty suck. Anyway we went to Warped Tour in ATL and on the way I got a ticket. I'm not going to say much about that just that I have zero respect for most anyone in law enforcement and that dbag cop can suck it. But Warped Tour was fucking righteous. I got to take my step sister whom I'm very close to which was sick. Her first real show and she got to see 3 of her favorite bands. Fuck I was pumped for her.

But now I'm in Alabama and I've been talking to an old friend who I haven't spoken to in forever. And that's pretty cool on account of us once being besties. Yes I just used besties. Hahahaha I don't know why that's so funny to me right now. I've decided to keep this whole mental dialogue down and not delete it. God dammit that's awesome. So uhhmm yeah my friends here are shit. I mean I kind of already knew that but it's getting reinforced like whoa. I came here to see them and I was under the impression that they wanted to see me as well but... you know how that goes. I guess on the plus side I've made a groupie or two? IDK.

Oh so tonight I was at this coffee shop hanging out with a couple of friends. And my comrade Anthony was going through his iphone looking up random facts when some tid-bits about space surfaced.

Anthony: Is the sun a star or a planet?
Dumb hobag: What?
Anthony: Is the sun a star or a planet?
Dumb hobag: It's neither? right? How can it be if there is only one? I mean there is only one sun right?
She also said some other impressively retarded things that I can't even begin to write. I was literally blown away.
Anthony: It's a star.

Later he came up with a thing about a man who for 60 some years had the hiccups. I thought I would add on to that tidbit with one of my own.

Me: You know how scientist think we got hiccups?
Peeps: ??
Me: During our evolutionary process when land animals starting arriving from the sea our gills moved from our neck. And as our lungs started forming and our epiglottis came in birthed the origin of hiccups. etc.
I didn't say it like that. I tried to dumb it down as much as possible before I gave up and they responded..
Dumb hobag: I don't believe in that. I believe I came from a vagina.
Slightly cooler dumb hobag: Yeah I believe that God created everything. It's just our faith man.
Me: Oh I didn't mean to offend you. To each his own. (secret inner lol'ing)

It just struck me as bizarre that these people completely shut down when it came to challenging their beliefs. I don't get it. Later we started talking about reincarnation when of them there smart ladies inquired about the definition of that fangled reincarnation contraption. And you know I suppose it could be a coincidence that all these people were totally oblivious to the world around them and stout Christians. And they were all dumber than turds which again is probably coincidence. How do they not want to know? It has been taught to them and that's what it is. Tragic. The amount of knowledge I dropped on them was like OMG. I didn't tell or share anything that exclusive but because of the isolation and seclusion of their minds they were dumbfounded by the ideas and concepts that somehow for the first time I was introducing to them. And their audacity further perpetuated my amazement. To assert that they knew for certain the origin of existence and other matters of nearly equal significance, was something I have not experienced in quite some time. The more I spoke the more they admired my "knowledge" which I tried to explain to them was inadequate even for the matters that we spoke of. But you know them dumb folk. They be dumb. Because of my curiosity for the unknown I'm able to shake many of the binds of theological supremacy. For me personally, whether it's vice or blessing I'm unable to say for certain that anything is in all aspects being in a particular state. I must leave room for the unknown. Always.

I actually came up with some nice ways of writing a lot of this. But I totally didn't feel like doing that. So... you know... I didn't.

P.S. something that has been bothering me for a while which I have been meaning to put on here. If you wear sunglasses for the purpose of looking cool. You are a douche. Being fat without a medical condition to me is a similar statement of douche. To me it's showing off your excess. Look at how much more I have than what I need. I could share with people less fortunate but uh fuck that. AMIRITE?! I think I might be alone in this. Whatev.

Fuck sunglasses

No Bragging Rights

So my brother left here two days ago and I'm about to leave today. Going to fuck up San Francisco before I go then get on the plane and rest to continue my assault in Virginia. I'll put more details about things, past, present, and future things alike when I come back.  So to the 4 people who actually read this. 

ILY BYE

Still

I haven't been putting up shit nearly as often as I would like to but hopefully ill change that.  So there is a bunch of shit going on...

My brother came to visit and he is considerably less gay than I remember him being. Don't get me wrong he's pretty gay, but most of the time it's actually tolerable.  We had a long discussion about girls and such which I believe to be the best/most revealing conversation we have ever had.  

My physical therapist is now sometimes using his assistant to tend to my back. Which I don't really mind but as she does her thing on my back she kind of touches my tookus quite often. Sometimes resting her hand on it, or giving it a gentle squeeze. I don't really have any idea on how to respond to this so I just don't say anything and pretend to fall asleep.

There have been 3 girls in the past week who have basically told me (two verbatim) that they want in my pants. Which is kind of flattering but not really that great on account of them all being hobags. OH and another girl told me that we were soulmates and that we loved each other. To this I responded "LOL" because I thought she must have been joking... but she wasn't. And I'm pretty sure she is mad at me. I think the answer to all of this lies in a prior post about my ability to attract crazy bitches and deter all the cool ones. 

I went to Six Flags yesterday and me and my brother went on most all of the rides and whatnot. It was a pretty fine experience. I tried talking to this employee on a particular roller coaster. Rode on it 4 times straight only to find out that her and some douchebag were already talking. And you have no idea how many d-bags were hanging out there. At least like one in every 3 dudes was a total douche nozzle. One ride in particular I rode on by myself and a pretty lady type sat across from me. To cut to it she was wearing short shorts hiked up to the extreme for the sole purpose of showing me her downtown mixup. Upon witnessing this she blew me a kiss and I responded with a half smile and a "bitch you crazy as a mug" look. Afterwards she followed me around the park and rode on the next couple of rides that I did. At the end of the adventure me and my brother were waiting by a fountain commemorating dolphins when I noticed a young teenage girl sitting by herself in a shroud of total youthful awkwardness. My brother didn't understand why I had to go talk to her and even went to the lengths to dissuade me.  I had to talk to her. She was me. She is me. Totally awkward and inept at things struggling to not falter at even mundane tasks like waiting. Hopefully she will remember the time at six flags when some dude came up and talked to her when she was alone. And maybe she will smile at the memory. Maybe grow some confidence in herself. Or more than likely just be glad that creepy guy at the park is gone.

OH I almost forgot. That assistant of my physical therapist got asked out on a date by like this 80 year old man and it was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen.

You know there is something to be said about this world. There are better more complete words. Words that harmonize and enhance. But these words don't do. Beautiful is the only word for me to use to describe these things. Everything. It's a scheme, a sham, and once recognized an assemblage of all prior knowledge a priori or not to be dealt with accordingly. You see everything is beautiful. I figured this out. Our conscious, our mind, and all that we perceive are only tools to try to take in the essence of the cosmos.

And,

If they make you happy then who cares?