HEY!

It seems like there is some interest in my blog after I have ceased to write on here. So, for anyone interested in following some of my other work or whatever, feel free to contact me.

If you want to follow my other works, just shoot me a message here:

http://www.last.fm/user/twoisthree

or email me-

no_substitute89@hotmail.com (I made this e-mail when I was 15..)

I'd just like to thank all of you for taking the time to read about my boring ass life.

xoxo

Tracks Go

I'm ending the musical recommendations for this blog but if there is a high enough demand and/or I just happen to feel like making a music blog I will.

Got the results of some exams back this week.

92 on my Speech exam Highest grade in my class

91 on Child Development exam Highest grade in class

100 on Astronomy exam Highest grade in class

95 on Bio exam Highest grade in class

I couldn't help but laugh at this. Especially at the speech one. It was open notes! I didn't even have notes (because that class is just too fucking stupid) and I still did better than these fucking mouth-breathers. I spent no time studying, except for the 2 minutes prior to the exam that I remembered there was an exam that day. I'm not trying to brag or sound like a dick even though I'm sure I do right now. The point is that this education is a fucking joke. Just parrot the information back. THEY GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS. JUST SAY IT BACK. I feel embarrassed, or that I'm doing something wrong. The most comical part about this whole thing is that the teachers make remarks to me and on my paper about my great studying and how great I'm doing. And I almost feel like I'm letting them down by not studying... but I don't need to. I'm not sure where this guilt is originating but I'm sure I can learn to push it aside like I do with everything else in my life and just avoid it.

Had some more conversations with my uncle about homosexuality. He's hilarious. He's completely obstinate and is empowered by it. However, he acknowledges his logical short comings. There is something to be said about being aware of yourself.

It's looking like me and my best mate Sanders will be living together within just a few months. I'm pretty excited. Enthused enough to be busting my balls making sure he gets into USA because I would hate to get stuck going there without him. Also, my uncle offered to give me his fucking jeep and pay for my first month of rent for my new pad. I could not accept this offer. Though, I have no idea how I'm going to make the trip or pay for the first month's rent without it. He's just done too much and I haven't returned enough back yet. The equation must always be balanced.

I voted for the first time. It was a forgettable experience. One old guy voting and 6 people sitting there because they liked sitting or some shit. I have no idea why those people were there to be honest.

I'm going to re-focus myself to my books and my music. I'm going to be what I want to be. The whole world can eat shit. I'm not being stopped.

Spear029

I've been playing Final Fantasy 8 for the past few days. I've been feeling bummed and lethargic but FF8 is always there to cheer me up. In case you haven't heard the rumors, they are true, I am indeed a nerd. If you haven't played it go to ebay and buy the game as well as a PS1 memory card. You will be glad you did.

Anyway, I've been consistently avoiding talking to my "girlfriend." This probably isn't very good "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" interaction crap but to be honest I just have no interest in talking to her. She talks about her day, the garbage she watches on tv, and shit the random people she knows up there does. I did try to make myself care. I really did! But you know... I don't. And as soon as I try to interject some subject of substance she just laughs and says how smart I am. afla;ksdjflkajd;sfja;sldkfjalsd;fkkasdvmnejvnipajerhdfshzlka:Dlvcmnxlcvna

It's not even that I'm that intelligent. It's just that you are that fucking stupid. Hanging out with the fam this weekend there was an effort to try to talk to my cousin. She told me I was giving her a headache and that I would be fun to smoke weed with. I know it seems like I would be totally overbearing in a genuine conversation but I usually always dumb down the vocabulary and subject matter depending on my audience. And you know it's really like limbo. You can only bend so much before you fall on your tookus. And my ass is tired of sitting.

Which brings me to my next gripe. The pseudo-intellectual. Oh I wish you could hear yourself talk. To the endless herds of media molded minds you sound like something of great achievement. A real pillar of human capacity. But you are loud, cumbersome, and ambitious. Aching for that moment of glory where you grasp the imagination of your followers by means of dialectic manipulation. Just compound complex words together and make your points blurry and vague and the mob will applaud. They know nothing else.

Somehow after watching a debate on tv and observing a history channel special on politics you are now qualified to disqualify the politicians with whom you disagree with.

I was invited to join this Phi Theta Kapa thing. Which is an honor society for people in junior colleges. Supposedly the oldest of all such societies of honor.

Uncle: Are you going to join?

Me: Probably not.

Why not?

It's fucking stupid.

but there are scholarships for this.

Yeah but this whole thing is a joke.

Why?

Do you know how much effort I put into school?

Slim to none

Exactly. The fact that I qualify for this is just retarded.

As I read over the dialogue I write in my blogs I often feel like I come off as some kind bloated egomaniac with some other kinds of superiority complex issues. But that's not true! At least not entirely. I just take things out of context to make a deliberate point in these blogs; at the expense of me sounding like an ass.

I'm grinding to the finish of this semester. I have a satisfactory amount of motivation for Astronomy and Biology but my other classes have sapped me of all will to live. Fuck those classes are lame as dicks.

The fact that we have a midterm in communication makes me want to listen to the radio. And every one knows that listening to the radio is synonymous with being suicidal.

What are listening methods people have?

What are some ways to get your audience's attention?

What are some ways to organize your presentation?

These are some of the sample questions. In what universe would knowing how to "organize" your presentation in some generic fashion ever hope to assist me in the world. How in the natural state of things would I need to know what listening methods people have. CAN YOU PLEASE COME UP WITH MORE IRRELEVANT SHIT FOR ME TO WASTE MY YOUTH WITH?! PLEASE, I'M DESPERATELY TRYING TO AVOID ENJOYING MY LIFE AND YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE.

Priming us to be masters of manipulation. To teach us how to sell. This is the purpose of this course. The class is filled with retards who are only good for consumption and I must learn with them on how to get others to be as worthless as they are. I find this whole thing completely distasteful.

We had an assignment to try and sell a household item as something other than it's intended purpose. examples:

Preparation age: keep you youthful

A shot glass: you suck in it and it makes your lips bigger

I kind of did this assignment but then I really didn't. I made a stapler thing called the "Brickstick" and you use it to break into peoples homes and government buildings to steal important documents and damning evidence. But I couldn't bring myself to do the presentation. I cringed as they applauded the sheer lack of creativity that paraded in front of them. The teachers enthusiasm to get us to sell some garbage as a "fun" exercise was nothing short of disgusting. LOOK AT HOW FUN TRYING TO SELL GARBAGE TO PEOPLE IS. There is nothing creative about this. There is nothing socially redeemable or any matter of significance to be learned. Instead a lesson on perpetuating propaganda as some kind of fun game has made it's way into the curriculum of the higher education system. And what's worse is that I was the only one completely revolted by this. It may seem like I'm overreacting but I'm contending that it's everyone else who is under-reacting.

And now for a new music recommendation. I've been seriously considering stopping this practice in this blog and making a whole separate blog for the purpose of music. But for now I'll keep one recommendation thing per post.

Melee

I found that when I'm not listening to music and there is something displeasing I become incredibly irratible. But with music everything is calm. I can handle anything with my music.

I was hanging out with my little cousins as I sometimes do on the weekends because I never have any other plans and also, I kind of secretly like to hang out with them. Anyway, I found them clinging to me. Fighting for the right to sit on or next to me. They tend to show negative emotions toward me in public but when they feel no one is looking they allow themselves the comfort of my company. I don't know what to say to this except that I'm flattered. Really. Truly.

As I was driving home tonight from the house I realized something about my music. I keep everything to myself save what I post on here. The tunes are a conduit for my usually calm and pleasant disposition. Essentially. I suppose that disposition is debatable but I like to think it's accurate.

I've also decided to post 1 video per post. I'm asked with some regularity about music recommendations and such, so I decided to add a music video or some other video of some significance on every post.

You are his calm

You are his calm

You are his calm

Such Small Hands

I have a tremendous amount of work and obligation building up right now. So instead of working on them right now I'm writing this. Essentially I just find ways to procrastinate even though I have every intention of doing otherwise.

I guess I technically have a girlfriend. However, it's only really in title because she was tripping balls about a title. I couldn't honestly get myself to care either way so I just kind of said, "fine." Anyway, she is stressing out about her cat that is being watched by her mother. She was going to pay a friend money to watch her cat there in Alaska so she could come and see him. As well as other retarded shit like this. And you know I kind of lucked out because she texted me this information instead of calling. Because its a lot harder to feign interest over the phone than texting a :( and have that all encompassing. She wants to ask me about her career and her future plans and if I think they are a good idea. I kind of want to just say, "Bitch, IDK" but instead I just told her the truth which was, "you probably shouldn't ask me." I have this scale of career paths and there are a number of routes that to me are essentially worthless. For in the natural state of things, is there really a need for: police, interior designers, fashion designers, politicians, etc. All of these things are a result of socially constructed bullshit. So in my mind if you were going to devote your life to one of these things, it would essentially become irrelevant if it wasn't already.

I really don't even know if I like her. I did before and sometimes do in fickle spurts but it seems like I can't stand her more and more. However, she has spent a lot of money already to come and visit. and so I'm kind of in a bind. Why the fuck does she have to like me? I honestly feel like she thinks she loves me... and I can't stand her. What is wrong with me? Part of it is definitely my fault but she's so dumb and her grammar is terrible, she couldn't spell her way out of a box, and she has this awful sense of humor. AND HER MANNERISMS, god dammit her mannerisms... she has none of her own; it's more of a series of stolen shit and then this is the best part... she copies mine! It's kind of alright if used almost never but not every time we fucking talk. God dammit copying me is not clever. WHY CAN'T YOU BE CLEVER?!

I think I'm moving to Mobile, Alabama after this semester and hopefully I will end up rooming with my good friend Kate. The original plan was with Sean but he kind of just decided to be lame and I'm not really down with that. If only Sanders would come to Mobile! Sanders I'm telling you to move to Mobile. So when you read this you should then decide that you want to go to Mobile too!

We are having speeches in communications class. So far, we've had speeches on: stereotypes (which was essentially a list of stereotypes and why it hurt her feelings), Myley Cyrus (literally about myley cyrus), the dream act (the girl just cried), and some other shit.

Our speech requirements were to make an INFORMATIVE speech that was SOCIALLY SIGNIFICANT, and to establish why we should all care about that topic. It should be COMPELLING, INTERESTING, and ORIGINAL. So taking those topics in within the context of the guidelines of the speech you can see that the people in communication class are fucking retarded. And yet the feedback from the class was usually, "wow what a great speech." I'm literally trying my best to listen but all I can hear is myself telling myself, "This can't possibly be the worst thing I've ever had to listen through." but then it kind of was.

OH SHIT and this black guy, the only black guy, was talking about hip hop. Which he kind of just said lil wayne sucks (props for that), talked about people getting killed, and then played some song. To convey these 3 items of information took him 32 minutes. The time limit is 5-7 minutes.

I'm hoping that they are lying and really hate those speeches too. Because if they sincerely think those "speeches" were good then I'm pretty sure they pretty much gave up on life in the third grade or something.

I'm a cynic.

My biology teacher came up to me at the beginning of class and was excited about giving me back my test. He said, "Brian! You screwed up the curve! Great job studying really, you got the best grade in the class!" He said it so everyone in class could definitely hear. It's kind of crazy to have my teacher more excited about my grades then I was/am. My teacher is cool as shit though, so I didn't want to tell him that I didn't really study. We usually have talks about things like pheromones, ideas of how the poles on Earth shift, the LHC, genetic mutations, etc. He never calls on me in class anymore because I think he tries to make it seem like I'm not his favorite... but I'm definitely his favorite.

They find ways to replace you every night. You swear your hearts align but the maps are in a blur. Congruency among the lines of joined bodies convince that your truth is alive. Oh how do you explain those lines!

Prahanian

I called Tasha tonight. It went surprisingly well. We probably won't talk again unless something drastic happens or until my next birthday. But it still was nice. I think the fact that we were kind of bored of each other and taking this long of a hiatus from talking made all of our usual mannerisms and such enjoyable to each other again.

There is something that I am missing. I observe all kinds of classes and all kinds of social events and things but I never encounter or witness anything like what I do on a daily basis. It's completely bizarre. Everyone avoids me in my classes unless they can't help it. And when they do get grouped up with me they are rather really interested in what I say or they have already decided they hate me. For instance, my speech class has a full classroom minus 4 empty seats. Those four empty seats just happen to be all the seats around me. In my Child Development class, there are tables of 3. All of the tables are filled except for mine. Instead of anyone sitting next to me they would rather sit in the awkward chair to the side in the front that is not in a position to see anything. There was 1 empty seat in my Astronomy class and it was the seat next to mine. Is there something I'm not getting? I sometimes smell myself just to make sure I'm not rancid or something. As it turns out I always smell delicious. And I know I'm not the greatest looking guy but when people would rather sit next the 500 lb. guy that smells like body odor and milk... I can't but feel like something is wrong.

That girl is going to be visiting at the end of November. I actually think like it's going to be an enjoyable time.

My uncle and I are at odds. Apparently getting a job here is as easy as putting in a few applications. This town with one fucking stoplight that is predominately hispanic with 6 businesses is just itching to hire people. Especially a very poor spanish speaker that everyone seems to have an aversion to.

I have the first 2 pages of my new book completed! I'm sending it to my best comrade Sanders for review. And I actually respect his opinion on literature and really on all things artistic and/or creative. So I'm kind of anxious to see how his response will be.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Building Steam

My music is apparently depressing. I never really realized the sadness in nature of a lot of the music I listen to until I play it around someone else. I don't hear the sorrow and such I suppose. To me it's beautiful. It's a reverberation of life itself. A rallying cry for the humanity in all of us. I'm actually lifted up when I listen to my "sad" music. I wonder how strange that is. That music like this makes me happy. Or if it is even strange at all.

The best music is the shit that we can hold an image of in our minds and just be glad for it to exist. Because that delicious tune harmonized with who you are/were. You feel your soul sync to the artist. Maybe, not the artist specifically or even the song but perhaps what it represents. The feeling that in any moment you were not alone. God wasn't with you, or your passed loved ones, or whatever else you may believe in. But everything that ever was smiles upon you. Everything that has ever happened was built up for that moment when you listened and understood. You are you. I loved driving late at night in the rain for this very reason. Everything seems so clear. You are entirely aware of where you are, in that car, passing through time itself and it feels as if the blood you now feel coursing is composed of something warm and good. You can't help but smile. You know you will forget later on but for this instant you have shed your mortality. The magic of feeling yourself as yourself. This is the majesty of music.

I take back what I said about my speech class. It. Fucking. Blows. Harder. Than. Everything. That. Has. Ever. Blown. I really cannot begin to express my disappointment in having that class. I'm trying my best to try and like it but I've already given up. I am but a man.

I'm having a tremendous amount of anxiety about calling Tasha. Her birthday is a few days and I promised to call. Fuck.

My biology class is pretty awesome it turns out. Everyone in there is dumb as fuck which is lame as shit but I'm kind of used to it by now. Also, me and the teacher get along really well so thats pretty neat. Plus, I think this chick I got partnered with thought I was flirting with her or something because she totally gave me her digits.

Astronomy is fucking amazing. Take that class.

Child Development is still pretty interesting.

I'm getting better at being me.