Airport Popeye's is the

shit. So I'm in Alabama as I write this and shit fucking sucks. I was expecting a lot more. I guess I always expect too much.

It's 3 in the AM so I'm not going to go into crazy detail about too much right now. But I have been having some mad wild ideas and such.

Flying to Virginia was a fucking experience. My flight left at 11 PM and arrived at like 5 AM in ATL so my idea was to try to crash on the plane on the way. And to this idea God kind of LOLd. I got stuck next to the largest man I've ever seen on a plane. Seriously, a substantial portion of his mass was in my seat. It was like something you would see in a movie when everything goes terribly shitty for the protagonist. I mean other than his profuse perspiration and occupation of half my seat it wasn't all bad. He was a pretty cool dude. Like a hipster black guy who (with my assistance) talked awesome shit about everyone on the plane. Especially this ghetto ass flight attendant who had all the makings of a 'stache. She was the most ballin' flight attendant ever. Which means that she said no to most everyone's requests with the utmost sass. SICK. I got to ATL and I hit up the Popeye's and I had the most glorious chicken biscuit. While there this crazy black guy was asking about a party the prior night that I supposedly attended with a man with green suede shoes. I basically said yes to everything he said and that man tripped the proverbial scrotum. Later that morning I went to Busch Gardens in Virginia with my good friend Sean and his friend Matt. The most important part of that adventure is talking about how authentic the German section was and how microwavable pizzas were better than the shit stuffing they were selling us.

A week later Me and Sean drove to Alabama from Virginia. Then the following day drove to ATL and back again. I made several little video things on the trip to satisfy our insatiable boredom that the road brings. I'm considering putting one up on here for you crazy kids to enjoy. I mean it's not that exciting. And by not that exciting I mean it's roughly better than that Dragonball Evolution movie but still pretty suck. Anyway we went to Warped Tour in ATL and on the way I got a ticket. I'm not going to say much about that just that I have zero respect for most anyone in law enforcement and that dbag cop can suck it. But Warped Tour was fucking righteous. I got to take my step sister whom I'm very close to which was sick. Her first real show and she got to see 3 of her favorite bands. Fuck I was pumped for her.

But now I'm in Alabama and I've been talking to an old friend who I haven't spoken to in forever. And that's pretty cool on account of us once being besties. Yes I just used besties. Hahahaha I don't know why that's so funny to me right now. I've decided to keep this whole mental dialogue down and not delete it. God dammit that's awesome. So uhhmm yeah my friends here are shit. I mean I kind of already knew that but it's getting reinforced like whoa. I came here to see them and I was under the impression that they wanted to see me as well but... you know how that goes. I guess on the plus side I've made a groupie or two? IDK.

Oh so tonight I was at this coffee shop hanging out with a couple of friends. And my comrade Anthony was going through his iphone looking up random facts when some tid-bits about space surfaced.

Anthony: Is the sun a star or a planet?
Dumb hobag: What?
Anthony: Is the sun a star or a planet?
Dumb hobag: It's neither? right? How can it be if there is only one? I mean there is only one sun right?
She also said some other impressively retarded things that I can't even begin to write. I was literally blown away.
Anthony: It's a star.

Later he came up with a thing about a man who for 60 some years had the hiccups. I thought I would add on to that tidbit with one of my own.

Me: You know how scientist think we got hiccups?
Peeps: ??
Me: During our evolutionary process when land animals starting arriving from the sea our gills moved from our neck. And as our lungs started forming and our epiglottis came in birthed the origin of hiccups. etc.
I didn't say it like that. I tried to dumb it down as much as possible before I gave up and they responded..
Dumb hobag: I don't believe in that. I believe I came from a vagina.
Slightly cooler dumb hobag: Yeah I believe that God created everything. It's just our faith man.
Me: Oh I didn't mean to offend you. To each his own. (secret inner lol'ing)

It just struck me as bizarre that these people completely shut down when it came to challenging their beliefs. I don't get it. Later we started talking about reincarnation when of them there smart ladies inquired about the definition of that fangled reincarnation contraption. And you know I suppose it could be a coincidence that all these people were totally oblivious to the world around them and stout Christians. And they were all dumber than turds which again is probably coincidence. How do they not want to know? It has been taught to them and that's what it is. Tragic. The amount of knowledge I dropped on them was like OMG. I didn't tell or share anything that exclusive but because of the isolation and seclusion of their minds they were dumbfounded by the ideas and concepts that somehow for the first time I was introducing to them. And their audacity further perpetuated my amazement. To assert that they knew for certain the origin of existence and other matters of nearly equal significance, was something I have not experienced in quite some time. The more I spoke the more they admired my "knowledge" which I tried to explain to them was inadequate even for the matters that we spoke of. But you know them dumb folk. They be dumb. Because of my curiosity for the unknown I'm able to shake many of the binds of theological supremacy. For me personally, whether it's vice or blessing I'm unable to say for certain that anything is in all aspects being in a particular state. I must leave room for the unknown. Always.

I actually came up with some nice ways of writing a lot of this. But I totally didn't feel like doing that. So... you know... I didn't.

P.S. something that has been bothering me for a while which I have been meaning to put on here. If you wear sunglasses for the purpose of looking cool. You are a douche. Being fat without a medical condition to me is a similar statement of douche. To me it's showing off your excess. Look at how much more I have than what I need. I could share with people less fortunate but uh fuck that. AMIRITE?! I think I might be alone in this. Whatev.

Fuck sunglasses